Grandparents play a vital role in supporting children

Count yourself fortunate if the grandparents of your child with special needs live close by because grandparents play a vital role in supporting children. They provide unconditional love, practical back-up care, and emotional support to the parents.

Jane is a grandparent who shares the joys and challenges relating to grandchildren who have diverse neurological issues.

To a person who recently admired her brightly coloured loomband bracelets, she mentioned that she had grandchildren of nine and 11 years old. “Making these is a hobby both children enjoy,” she shared. “They like me to wear them, and I always wear one from each child to avoid any misconception that one is liked more than the other. Keeping things even is important.”

Jane has enjoyed regular contact with her grandchildren since they were born. Here she highlights some of the challenges of being a grandparent that are totally unexpected and have required new understanding.

• Can you imagine not roasting a chicken in the oven because the smells can upset a child and result in dysregulated behaviour?
• Can you imagine a child of nine or 11 unable to go alone to another part of the house because of anxiety about what may be lurking there?
• Can you understand a child being unable to go to school because of acute anxiety?
• Have you ever heard of sensory issues, dysregulation, panic attacks, meltdowns, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, dyslexia, dyspraxia, passive demand avoidance, and so on – and on?

To understand the complexities of children with special needs has been a steep learning curve for Jane and the methods of handling situations and day to day activities, which she used with her children, she found were ineffective and could be counterproductive.

“Diversion is a better solution than confrontation and authoritative command,” she advises, adding that she finds it almost impossible to have any real understanding of how the daily situations look and feel from the perspective of her grandchildren.

“I feel distressed at times when I see the unrelenting stress that managing the children places on their devoted parents,” she adds, “yet I marvel at how they function as a caring team and how they co-ordinate their planning from day to day.”

Jane receives great pleasure bird watching with her grandson – seeing his skill with a camera and catching his excitement when he spots a bird for the first time. She shares great delight with her granddaughter when working a jigsaw of 1 500 piece. To be beaten by them at chess – again; to make pancakes together; study an insect; see them performing tricks on the trampoline, are some of the joys of their times together.

Jane expresses how precious her grandchildren are regardless of the behavioural challenges shaped by their being neuro diverse.

“When my grandson plonks himself on my knee to show me the latest score on a cell phone game, or his latest Lego creation, when my granddaughter proudly tells how her tooth come out, are moments of a loving relationship which bring meaning and value into my life, and I trust into their lives,”